Nuclear Farts

Farts_bbd083_4721385” Daddy why does it stink?” Jesse asked. I had been reading my two boys a story on the bed and let a cheeky one go mid story. This had been becoming increasingly potent so what had been a jovial past time between father and sons had now gone a step further, I was for the first time reluctant to claim responsibility and bask in the glory of said stenchfest. I jokingly replied to Jesse “maybe it was Jett”. Jett looked at me and smiled backing it up with a little chuckle… I took it as a signal he was willing to take the fall for the old man, claim responsibility for what was all out chemical warfare. I felt bad that Jett had jumped on the grenade, I felt like maybe I had pushed him towards it. I picked Jett up and we left Jesse’s room still chuckling but both glad to be vacating the room for fresher air streams. I put Jett into his bed and kissed him good night telling him how much I loved him. Maybe our bond had been strengthened that night, strengthened in a way that only taking responsibility for someone else’s fart can do. I walked back down the stairs and into Jesse’s room, damn it was like being slapped around the face by a giant poo. The short amount of time taken to put Jett to bed had only served to realign my senses back to normality just in time for the second assault on re-entry. I sat next to Jesse, he didn’t look very happy. “Jesse, it wasn’t Jett who did that fart, it was Daddy” I said. It felt good to come clean. “Are you OK?” I asked as Jesse still seemed upset. “I don’t want to sleep in the stinky bed Daddy” Jesse said bordering on tears. Farts had once been a point of hilarity between us but it seemed things were getting out of control. “Oh Jesse, it’s OK” I said comforting him. “It’ll be gone in a few minutes. Don’t forget you’ve done lots of farts on Daddy’s bed.” I changed the subject and managed to divert attention long enough to complete the night time routine and slowly exit the room clouded in guilt and the reminisce of the crime. I was reminded of only a day earlier when I had been in the bathroom and confident of my own seclusion bombed a mighty fart that rattled the glass. Turtle (my cat) came strolling into the bathroom blissfully unaware, I saw him freeze and his little tail dropped to the ground. He looked up at me as if to say ” Fuck bro.” And then turned immediately around and walked out. I had disgusted an animal that licks his own arse. Children and pets had once been great allies to the proud farter, always a willing audience. Pet’s unfazed and children captivated. It seemed now both were lost. I felt it was time to seek help. I was sure Google could save me, save us. “Holy shit I can’t handle the smell of my farts anymore. Any suggestions for death farts?I’ve been taking protein for about 7 months now and at first the farts weren’t that bad. Now I can barely stay in the same room after I fart. I fart and the room smells like stale ass for the next 30 minutes. For the time being my wife thinks the dogs have been having the farts but I don’t know how much longer I can keep the charade going.”  …it seemed I wasn’t alone, maybe there was a support group… I continued the search…  I’ve noticed the same thing, I can make flies gag. I find it gives me privacy at work. Also it gets my children back for all the stench they’ve unleashed on me. Plus, I have a coworker with notoriously bad breath. I consider it my counter offensive.” It seemed a real problem was out there and one that was rarely discussed. I searched again determined to find answers. …and then almost as soon as my search had begun it was over, I had found the answer I was seeking, thank you google. “This is natural. It’s weakness leaving the body. Bask in the glory.” Amen. ]]>

Part 3 – I Love You.

22-Love_412Beautiful people you can read Part One (The Truth About Depression) here and Part Two (Letting it go) here… Let us briefly circle back to where we began this discussion. The egoic framework, our psyche, our identity, who we think we are…So what is it? I can tell you it’s not who we really are. What is it then? It’s the man-made mind. It’s the vulnerable, insecure, terrified little voice in our head that gives a running commentary and judgement on the accumulation of man-made expectations and fears. The egoic framework is built with pillars of separateness, me and mine, competition, comparison, greed, power, judgement and fear. It’s floors are paved with the premise of lack. No my brothers, this is not who we are but what we have made. This is our man-made mind. It has been built by us on top of who we really are and now in many of us it is so thick with limitation that we can’t even remember who we are. We are lost and scared. The feeling you are getting right now when reading these words is recognition from your subconscious mind, deep within yourself you know this to be true and your body is speaking to you with that knowingness. It is the man-made mind that is the cause of all suffering. How did it begin? Judgement. The binding agent which holds the man-made mind together is judgement. So who are we then if not that little voice in our head that commentates the man-made mind? We are the observer. We are awareness. We are the ones who are hearing that little voice in our head. Make sense? Right now in your mind, please say to yourself “Who am I?”, please say it again “Who am I?” Scream it in your mind “WHO AM I?!!” You my brother are the self who hears that voice, you are the great observer. Our true mind, our pure consciousness, the great observer, is our God-made mind. It is built on oneness, compassion, forgiveness, acceptance, peace, isness. Our God-made mind is built with, and energised by, the same mind stuff that holds the entire universe together, love. What is Love? Love is the absence of judgement. Love is the isness of the universe. Love is the universal all knowing intelligence; the mind of God. To become fully free we need to let the man-made mind fall away and allow our divine greatness to once again take full residence. How trivial our man-made insecurities if for just a moment we were to glimpse the enormity of who we are as divine entities of unlimited wonder. We of course have free will, the choice will always be ours. So how do we do it? “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” ~ Lau Tzu We need to decide which mind we want to align with, where will our thoughts, deeds and ideals reside? The man-made mind built of separateness, me and mine, competition, comparison, greed, power, judgement and fear? Or our God-made mind made with oneness, compassion, forgiveness, acceptance, peace, isness and love? By outwardly projecting thoughts and deeds aligned to our God-made mind we will literally begin to remap our neural network, we physically re-wire our brain. We will begin to make that mind our natural state. When we communicate with someone without judgement what we are doing is making a conscious decision to look straight past their egoic framework, their man-made mind. We accept that it is merely a result of their experiences and conditioning. We are understanding to the fact that we have no real reference for judgement against their experiences and conditioning and therefore we show compassion toward them. If there behavior differs from that which would be deemed acceptable within our own man-made mind we forgive their actions and remove our need to react to them in defence of our own ego. Essentially we treat people with love, where love is the absence of judgement. By releasing our brothers from judgment and expectation, so to do we release ourselves; in freeing them, we become free. When we treat people with genuine love and non-judgement, something quite amazing happens. When we choose to acknowledge the equality of their divine innocence, the same quality that exists in ourselves, when we choose not to even acknowledge the man-made mind, the other person feels that connection, they no longer feel a need to respond in a way that defends their man-made mind. They respond to us in kind, on the base level of love, of non-judgement, with their God-made mind. We have the opportunity to send a ripple of love through the world with every human interaction. When I was taught this by a great Teacher I didn’t really understand what he meant. With all knowledge it only really becomes of value when applied and can be translated from knowledge into understanding. Knowledge with experiential understanding then becomes our wisdom. So I thought I would just try it in life and see what happened. It wasn’t too long before I had an opportunity to experiment. It was actually twitter that provided the opportunity. We had come across someone tweeting about setting goals so I tweeted them to tell them about twitter1   I was then sent a response which was well and truly courtesy of the man-made mind. twitter2 I decided to initiate the newly acquired knowledge of my great Teacher and respond with my true mind. twitter3 And admittedly to my somewhat surprise, his great teaching was indeed validated. twitter4   Let us open our hearts. The only vulnerability we perceive in doing this is attached to the defence of our meek man-made mind. Dismantling the egoic mind is not easy because it is the result of your entire life’s culturalisation and constant social forces, it has been cultivated through the ages but it is a worthwhile end, indeed it is our destiny. Let us break away from the social mediocracy which has enslaved humanity. For in the purity of our consciousness lies not only the end of suffering and the ability to create without limitation, but therein lies our ability to truly live. It is our rightful inheritance and our one true freedom.  ]]>

Part 2 – Letting It Go

shutterstock_119794141Beautiful people if you haven’t read part one (The Truth about Depression) I would recommend reading that prior to the below… So our mind is polluted, how do we fix it? We need to treat our polluted mind like anything else that is polluted if we want to return it to its pure state. We need to remove the current pollutants and stop putting new pollutants in there, makes sense. I think it’s important we understand how the cycle of experience works in our body if we are going to regain control of our mind. When we experience something, anything at all, a very specific chemical signature is released into our body, this is the blueprint for our memory of that experience and is stored. We call it emotion. This is an amazing process and provides us with a rich catalogue of remembered experiences and can become fertile ground for us to create new and better experiences based on the evolution of those feelings. The problem arises when we have an experience which is in conflict to our egoic framework, it goes against our expectations of how the world should be, someone effectively has broken one of our rules. It could be something as small as looking at us the wrong way or bumping into us at the supermarket. Because we think we are our identity or the psyche we feel me must defend it at all costs, so we do what the ego does best, we attack. We start analysing in our head “why is he looking at me like that, who does he think he is? His type is always so disrespectful”… we could express our judgement of their failure to meet our expectations in a myriad of potential ways depending of how our egoic framework has been constructed. Maybe we get physical, maybe we feel even more insecure, maybe we feel judged… whatever our reaction is, it doesn’t really matter. The critical point here is because of our egoic opposition to the experience, because of our judgement of the experience, we actually prevent the biochemical aspect of the experience from completing its process, it is simply left hanging mid cycle and it is at that point it is repressed within us and forms a polluting toxin in your consciousness and a link then remains between our present moment awareness, your ever unfolding ‘now’ and that partially completed experience. More baggage baby. This is incredibly important in our ability to free ourselves emotionally from the past and indeed it’s negative effect on our present and future. The implications of these repressed partially completed experiences stretch beyond the realms of what we will discuss here but I only hope we can all master this for so much rests upon it. Suffice to say that no greater importance could be placed on this for the evolution of our consciousness and the quality of our lives. OK, so the key to getting rid of these existing pollutants is a technique called ‘letting go’, we need to allow that partially processed experience to be completed. In doing so you will break the connection which remains with it and you will allow it to gently rest in the past where it was always intended to remain. How do we do this? It’s a cliché but we have to literally face those fears as they arise. When a situation happens in our life that doesn’t meet our expectations, if it doesn’t fit within our rules, our fears will be stimulated, our identity is being questioned and an emotional response will start bubbling up in our body. I’m sure we all know exactly what that feels like. The amount of time we’ll have to get in-between the experience and our reaction will depend on how much of a threat we deem that particular experience to be to our ego. Ideally we need to stop ourselves from reacting. What we need to do when that emotion begins to rise up is to allow it to rise up, we need to feel all of that feeling. You don’t have to get on the roller coaster of emotion, just observe it, say to yourself “oh look that’s an out of it feeling, not overly pleasant but it’s just a feeling and won’t kill me” then it will exhaust itself in a few moments and be gone. You just faced that fear. You owned it and by doing so completed the emotional circuit of that experience. Your link to it is then released and you are freed from it. If it’s a heavily reinforced connection and a similar feeling begins to rise up in the future on account of a similar experience simply repeat the process. Every time you face a fear and allow it to play out and run its course you are removing a toxin from your consciousness and purifying your mind. Buddha said ‘Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die’ never were truer words spoken. Much fertile ground for repressed emotions exist with people and relationships where we feel we have been wronged. Take stock of the relationships in your life where you have drank the poison Buddha speak of. Oh how we love to be wronged, we can be significant if someone has wronged us, we hold the resentment in us as rightful title of victim and therefore we are in our mind superior to the other person and we have significance. That is the ultimate fuel for the starved egoic mind which thrives on comparison, competition, the need to be right and superior. That resentment and anger we keep poisons us daily. We have to let that shit go, release the people in our lives that we feel have wronged us and in doing so you complete those experiences and purify your own mind as the poison drains away. Lay your past to rest. Let it remain in its rightful place. Stain your present no more with its pain and suffering. As you continue to ‘let go’ you will see great change in your life, with every emotional experience you own and complete, your bandwidth for creativity and joy will be opened, you will literally begin to rewire the neural connections in your brain, the way you see the world will change and so the world changes. Your mind will open to the joy and beauty that is everywhere. If we continue to clean out our mental closet the most important and challenging undertaking in our life will become the overhaul of our egoic framework. This ensures that we don’t continue to pollute our mind with fear and impossible expectations…this is the key to our ultimate freedom. We’ll take a look at that next… Next: Letting it go]]>

The Truth About Depression

DepressionOur ego, our psyche, our identity, who we think we are, it’s made up of a whole bunch of value and belief systems which have been formed by the totality of our life experiences and culturalisation. It makes up a framework through which we see the world. It is what we believe the world is and should be. It is represented in our brains as an intricate web of neural connections called a neural network. What that framework really is, is a whole bunch of expectations that we place on ourselves and everyone else we interact with. It’s lots of rules that we think people and the world as a whole should adhere to in order to meet our expectations and to fit within our framework of how we think the world should be and how it should act. We effectively go through life trying to control everything possible, people, places, times and events in order to bend them and force them into our framework and to meet our expectations. We judge everyone according to their performance against our unique criteria and expectations. We don’t look the other way when it comes to ourselves either, we judge ourselves in the same light. Now because everyone has a unique set of life experiences and culturalisation, everyone has a different framework upon which they see the world. Can you already see what a disaster this set up is? A world filled with people all playing by different sets of rules trying to force everyone else to play by theirs. We have created an absolute plethora of fears attached to our framework of expectations. As an example let’s look at a few things that might be included within our egoic framework:

  • In order to be of value you must be successful.
  • Successful means being rich.
  • Being popular is a sign of individual value.
  • Being beautiful and a size 8 makes me valuable.
So then based on these example expectations we then attach fears to the failure of meeting those expectations, for example:
  • Fear of not being good enough because of poverty
  • Fear of not being liked and approved of by everyone
  • Fear of being rejected as a result of being overweight or ugly
Obviously the list of expectations we place on ourselves and others is very long, as is the list of fears which spawn from it. So as a result of our egoic expectations we assign our ego the impossible task – control all people, places, times and events so as to avoid these fears being stimulated; that becomes our life; we are slaves to fear. Most of us live life in variable degrees of neurosis as a result of internally analysing by way of the little voice in our head all of these fears. It’s ultimately ‘the human condition’, suffering. Most of us tolerate it because we feel there is no alternative, we don’t talk about it and we just get on with the impossible task of trying to avoid the fears and meet the expectations. When we find ourselves falling further and further short of our own rules and expectations, being ever more engrossed in our fears, they accumulate to a certain level and reach a critical mass, we reach a point of overwhelm or what’s now been given the label ‘depression’. Depression is the realisation we’re playing a game we can’t win. Now a key part of the human condition is the fact that we live in the past. We re-live past suffering as well as anticipate the future to surely be more of the same which leads to anxiety which is simply suffering in advance. Therefore we don’t spend any time living freely in the only point of existence there ever is and that’s now, this very moment. The reason we live in the past is because we don’t let it go. If we have an experience, let’s say a partner betrays our trust. We then form a new neural connection in our brain that says, ‘people aren’t trust worthy’, and as we look through that framework we will make it so. That neural network then gets reinforced and becomes harder to break, what it also does is keep us connected to that past experience, it is literally a mental pollutant that we subconsciously drag around with us and re-live that pain constantly as we look to reinforce that neural pathway, otherwise known as emotional baggage. As we believe the world to be, so it shall be. We accumulate many of these painful links to the past and become addicted to their reinforcement. Everyday repeats the past because that is what we are determined to see and create. Our mind becomes a polluted cesspool of all our fears and past emotions. This is a self-induced limited state called ‘social consciousness’. Depression is but the highlighting of the human condition to which we are all suffering. It is that human condition that needs correction. So while the accepted treatment of depression, things like drinking more water, talking to your friends and exercising are without doubt genuinely intended, they are by themselves for the most part frivolous. It is like giving your house some new carpet and paint when the entire house is built on sand. While you may enjoy some added moments of pleasure sitting in your newly painted room, as soon as the next storm comes and of course it will, the entire house is washed away. Don’t settle for what is simply socially acceptable levels of suffering. Now if you are suffering from ‘depression’, take a moment and rejoice, because therein lies the birthplace of greatness. Rejoice in the fact that from depression you will hopefully be, as I was, forced to ask the big questions, you will look at life and say ‘what the fuck?! There must be a better way.’ And indeed my brothers, there is. Let us awaken to the truth that we are a boundless, limitless enigma of divine radiance and beauty, we have the power within us to create literally anything our mind could possibly conjure. Our bandwidth to the infinite intelligence that so effortless binds this universe together is limited only by the pollution that you know as your egoic mind. Happiness and joy are not emotions, they are the absence of emotion, they are your God given natural state of being. We’ve just got lost in our own drama. Take from a man all his jealousy, regret, judgement, anxiety, hatred, fear, and all the rest of it and what are you left with? Joy. If you are interested, I would like to humbly share with you what I have found to be real steps towards correcting the human condition and an end to suffering…]]>